My daughter, 8, asked me (via written message on a whiteboard, complete with yes/no check boxes) if I am going to marry a specific someone one day. Which she followed up with a note asking me to not be mad at her asking, she was just curious. (No worries, dear reader, I told her in no uncertain terms she can ask me anything any time and I will answer to the best of my ability…and I will not be upset over the asking of questions.) This got me thinking, as the topic of marriage usually does.
My last blog entry was about love. Well, I would like to follow up that entry with an addition.
A few days ago, a Facebook friend posted this screenshot:
This screenshot made me tear up a little, because it is a wonderful example of love in its simplest most pure form. Allow me to explain why, in light of my previous post.
We are flawed, each of us. We are products of our environments, the people around us, how we are raised, how we are treated, the information we learn, the horrors and joys we witness throughout our lives. But mostly, we are a product of our own choices. We CHOOSE to change who we are based on the factors listed above, and more. Who hurt us and how, who we hurt and how, daily nuisances and successes, et cetera. Simply, we are the end result of what we choose to allow to affect us, and how we choose to let it affect us.
(Read more below. It is worth your time, promise..)
Before any of you get all panty-wadded over the titled, just don’t. Fucking don’t.
Now that’s over with, let us continue. I am sure several of you have seen the article comparing John Lennon and Trent Reznor where it waxes poetical about Lennon’s Love Is All You Need and Reznor’s Love Is Not Enough. It goes on to state Lennon was a known abuser of his love and sex interests (so was Reznor, actually) and how he never took time for his family and wife and whatever. Then it goes on to say how Reznor took time off to spend with his family (very admirable) and how he understood love isn’t all you need. For the record; Reznor was a piece of shit to most of his love interests until he fell for his wife. It has been pretty well documented by groupies, staff, other bands. So let’s not try to compare apples and apples and call one an orange, mmmkay? HOWEVER, he DID clean his shit up, and he is correct: love is NOT enough. In case you have not read the post and give a fuck – http://markmanson.net/love
Love is the absolute smallest and most easily obtained building block one needs for a healthy and happy relationship. Love is the one piece of a relationship that comes EASILY. It is also easily lost, if you do not take care of it. But that goes in to other aspects of relationships.
You must have compassion, understanding, trust, loyalty, a deep desire to stay together, a willingness to compromise and work with the other person, genuine joy in their presence, a profound commitment to their happiness, your happiness, your happiness together. Love is NOT enough. You must be willing to take care of one another, defend one another, and kick one another in the ass when necessary (though the manner of the kicking differs greatly for each person and situation). You must BOTH have all of these qualities, and more. You both have to hold your relationship as THE most important relationship, because all your other relationships can be built or destroyed based on that one at the center.
(Read more below.)
I am going to start this off by telling you I have a rather petite frame. Though I wear medium shirts in men’s sizes, my bone structure is on the smaller size. I have been known to find my jeans in the adolescent section of department stores by mistake, not knowing I was not in the adult section. Which has caused others to feel embarrassed, but it always amuses me. I wear medium shirts in men’s sizes (and usually large in women’s) because my shoulders, for my frame, are rather broad. I have great difficulty finding dresses that fit due to this, or long-sleeve shirts. Do not even get me started on jackets, as I also have incredibly long arms. Yes; I realize I am starting to sound like a lanky circus freak; I am not. Well, I mean, I AM, but not proportionately speaking. It is hard not to be considered somewhat freaky to many people when you have this many tattoos, stretched earlobes and unnaturally-coloured hair. And watches. I cannot buy a watch that fits unless it has a leather band and I cut extra holes in it. My wrists are so petite but attached to them are incredibly large hands, for a woman. I always have to buy large or extra large gloves. And extra large hats, too. My daughter has also informed me I have Vulcan ears. Aren’t kids sweet?
I swear, this has a purpose.
It is never necessary to pass pain to someone else to lessen your own.
To do so only multiplies the pain AND burdens the other person.
Share it; do not spread it.