Manifesto with a Death Warrant

As the fifth anniversary of my father’s death quickly approaches (it is less than a month away), many things from the past 5.5 years are popping in to my head with nearly alarming regularity. Not all of them are bad, but they have given me pause for several reasons.. Be they times of great loss or great gain.

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Dear Karma…

Dear Karma – We need to talk.

You know a few years ago, I went through some shit that would be considered pretty damn bad by most Americans’ standards. I say American, because, well, let’s face it: Africa and anywhere oil is located.

Since then, I’ve had bouts of time where things were not going precisely wrong, but they were most definitely not right. I suppose one could say I’ve been on a rocking even keel – overall, of course – for 5.5 years. Which is not to be scoffed at, do not get me wrong. Better to have an even keel than slowly going under. But then again, sometimes keeping that even keel for an extended period of time is a slower sinking process than one could imagine, until one experiences it. Allow me to explain..

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Perfectly Imperfect in every way…

In my case, it seems sometimes I indulge in the vice, sometimes the vice indulges in me.
I have shit timing, and irony seems to rule my life.
I care too god damn much and usually get too god damn little in return.
I jump off the edges in to madness and frequently fall, not soar..but I still climb to my feet with a chuckle, dust myself off and continue walking with a spring in my step and a song on my lips….and hope and fear in my heart.

Perfectly imperfect.. in every way.

Bucket Lists

I have never truly understood the point of bucket lists. To me, they are the last vestiges of a life lived unfulfilled, a last chance dash to do all the shit before you die you refused to take the chances to do before it became nearly too late. Once, they were lists of “things to do before I die” utilized by the aged or terminal. Now it seems every teenager not yet out of high school has one.

Don’t get me wrong; I am ALL for setting goals, both attainable and lofty. But this shit is just ridiculous. What became so wrong with just living your fucking life, every day, to the fullest possible for that day? Is that not worthy enough a goal? Hell, the gods know it is about as lofty as one can get!

Let me explain why I have no bucket list…

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Heretic – Lyrics

Yes.. I’ll be posting lyrics from time to time.. Some, I actually hope to do something with eventually.

I am not a heretic
Because I won’t believe
In all the hateful little lies
Fear-ridden minds conceive
There is no hell to banish me
No fiery depths below
There is no mountain up on high
Pure as the fallen snow
There is no path I will not walk
No curse I will not face
I will not fear your sordid tales
Of how I fell from grace

Grace was never offered me, grace was never felt
I’m living life the best I can, I cheat the hand I’m dealt
I cannot fear a fallen god, nor cheer a risen saint
I cannot live my life for you, you will not feed my hate

Treat me like an enemy, treat me like a fiend
Treat me like the devil’s own, cast out on broken wing
Fear my every sudden move, be wary of my gaze
Never try to understand you fucks made me this way

Grace was never offered me, grace was never felt
I’m living life the best I can, I cheat the hand I’m dealt
I cannot fear a fallen god, nor cheer a risen saint
I cannot live my life for you, you will not feed my hate

(spoken)
He who has never thrown himself head-first into vice can never truly understand the path of the virtuous…
He who has never sunk to the bottom can never understand the arduous climb to the top…
He who has never felt the maddening throes of anger can never feel the overpowering throes of love…
The full pleasure of unfettered lust…
Or the freedom of total loss of control.

I will not be your heretic
Because I won’t believe
In all the hateful little lies
You use just to deceive
There is no hell to sink into
No heavens you will find
There is no place to hide your fears
Except in your own mind

(C) by me, and yes, I actually do coprywrite all my work, so don’t try me on that one. Feel free to comment or not. Critiques..criticisms..kudos.. have at it, kids.

Of mice and men and hooks and blood and music and…

As the title might suggest to those of you intelligent enough to pick up on it, I am rather eclectic and tend to have many interests.  Or maybe it was just a catchy title that caught your attention.  Or maybe I am just a cunt who likes to fuck with people.

Yes; I have just begun this blog, and I am fucking with you already.

Within this jungle, I will plumb the depths of depravity, salvation, sin, music, life, and whatever else comes to my bent and twisted mind…there always is, always was, always WILL be salvation in sin.

Welcome, and enjoy the motherfuckin’ fray.

~cub~